No more excuses...

Well, I'm still feeling great. :) I suppose it's time for me to start exercising and taking care of myself. I registered for school this Spring. I'll finally finish my Bachelors in Psychology!!! It's only taken 12 years...no big deal. I tacked on a racquetball class to help me get into shape and stay moving. I miss playing outdoor racquetball with my family in Phoenix. I also have a bunch of Pilates videos and the Slim in 6 videos, so I want to start doing those at home as well. So, as the title of this post says, I have no more excuses...

Still feeling fine!

I flew home from Denver to SLC yesterday. The whole trip was amazing, as far as not having any arthritic flares is concerned. I'm hoping that the yucky phase was really just rheumatic fever. Until I get to a doctor, I need to take care of myself, though...just in case.

I'm anxious to get back to work and hold a tray all day. :)

Merry Christmas, everyone!

All is well!

I've been feeling so great! I'm in Denver opening up a new restaurant, and I was worried that I wouldn't be feeling well....lucky me, I feel great. Let's take a moment to knock on wood and hope that this great streak continues for the next week and a half! :)

The last few days

2 out of 10!!!!!

It's been fabulous! :) It's been really nice to feel like I can get around. While I'm feeling so well, I need to start yoga or something to help keep my body moving and healthy. Yoga sounds a little painful on my wrists, but anything to keep me more active would be great.

Thanksgiving Vacation

Patrick and I drove down to Phoenix for Thanksgiving. We left Wednesday around 10:30am and had a good drive down.

I felt pretty decent during the drive, though my body gets stiff when I sit for too long. I just kept popping the ibuprofen every 4-6 hours and did fine. The whole trip was fine health-wise.

On Friday, we spent the day with the family and I even played Keep Away/Kick-ball with the nephews and nieces and my brothers.

The drive back to Utah was pretty good too. How blessed I am that I was able to feel good while on vacation!! The last week gets a 3 out of 10!!! Woo hoo!!!

Do You Want To Know???

A few nights ago, I wasn't feeling too great at the end of the day. I was tired, achy, hungry, and had a little headache. Patrick felt like I was being really grumpy, too. I wasn't aware that I was acting grumpy, so I'll have to be more aware in the future... I think I already mentioned this in a post last Wednesday.

After Patrick and I ate some dinner and relaxed for a bit, he asked me if I was feeling any better. My response was that I was feeling a lot of tenderness in my joints and general aching...no improvement from earlier in the evening. He gave me a funny look and said pointedly, "I was talking about your headache."

So after a minute or two, I asked him, "Do you want me to tell you when I'm not feeling well?" His response was that it was a complicated answer.

I would like to know if he wants to be informed about how I'm feeling, because it might be helpful for him to know why I'm really tired or why I might seem grumpy, rather than wondering what in the hell my problem is.

I think one of his big frustrations about it all is that the cause or the reason for a "flare-up" is unknown at this point. I get that.

I don't get why he doesn't want to at least know if I don't feel well and maybe, just maybe be a little sensitive toward me.

Is this a common reaction for men/husbands????? If anyone reads this blog and has any experience with this, please comment. I know Patrick loves me and cares about me, and I also believe that things happen for a reason. There could be some amazing personal growth to come from this (for both of us)! I sure hope so!!

I need a support group! I don't really want to have my friends be my constant support group, because I'm sure they get sick of hearing about how my body hurts. There's more to life than how my joints feel at any given moment. But for now, that's a big thing on my mind. Oh, what to do??

No support at home, and I feel guilty about "expecting" constant support from my friends.

Update from the weekend (and end of last week)

Thursday 11/20: A good day. I felt pretty good all day, a little worn down at the end of the day, but I survived intact. :) I even worked a double at the restaurant! 3 of 10.

Friday 11/21: Another good day...yeah! I worked a double again and did well. As always (after a double, that is), I was feeling a little luggish at the end of the day, but it wasn't bad. 2 of 10.

Saturday 11/22: A medium day. It started out well, but I was really exhausted. I worked a double, and was feeling really impatient and tired during lunch...not a lot of pain, but a lot of mental and physical fatigue. I felt like I was having a mental breakdown at work. By the end of the lunch shift, my body was at least moving around well, but I could feel a quick deterioration. By the end of the dinner shift, I probably could have laid down on the dirty restaurant floor and just fallen asleep for the night. My friend, Melanie, invited Patrick and me to go to a club with her, her fiancee, and her sister and her friends. So, we went. I didn't want to be up and moving around at all, but I can't resist hanging out with friends. I'd give the day a 7 of 10 because it started really well and ended not so well.

Today, Sunday 11/23: Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Holy crap, I feel like a grandma today. Getting out of bed was painful on my feet. My muscles are really sore, too, on top of sore joints. (triceps, quads, biceps) I think my body is upset with me for working three doubles in a row. We spent the day with Melanie and Stephane (her fiancee), so I tried to keep up, but there were a few points that were quite uncomfortable. We went to a movie, and getting up and moving around (especially walking down the stairs in the theater) was tough. Hey, I'm not a crybaby...I'm just telling it how it is.

My left shoulder is being a total pain in the butt today. Holding up my cell phone, reaching, putting on a coat, etc. is really hard to do with my left shoulder. I feel like I need a massage.

There's also a spot along my spine in the middle of my back that feels like it needs to be adjusted. I'm going to try to visit my chiropractor before we drive down to Phoenix for Thanksgiving. I need to remember to get some Aleve as well. So, today was a 8.5 of 10.


That's my report for the last few days. Hopefully some good rest tonight will help me feel better tomorrow. There's LOTS to do before going out of town, so I need a productive day! And I have to work tomorrow night. Yippee. :)

3 to 7 in a matter of hours

Today was a medium day. It started out pretty great, and I worked the lunch shift at the restaurant. It wasn't until I got home and sat down on the couch that my body started to feel like the tin man pre-oil. Now it is approx. 10:30pm and I'm ready for bed. The most uncomfortable area is my neck. It feels so stiff and tender. Who knew RA would/could affect the neck? I seriously thought it was just hands prior to my personal experience. So, overall, I give today 6.5 of 10. Maybe a 7...

The next three days I'll be working double shifts each day. I'm kind of nervous. My game plan is to stay hydrated and to get good rest...and to dope up on the Ibuprofen, of course.

Apparently I was/am really grumpy tonight. I've got to work on that.

The emotional side

I have some thoughts about my painful Sunday. Honestly, there was an extreme amount of tenderness (inflammation, I guess) in every single joint in my body:

Jaws
Neck
Shoulders
Elbows
Wrists
Fingers
Back/Spine
Hips
Knees
Ankles

Somehow, my toes got left out. I'm okay with that.

Patrick and I got to bed really late the night before, like 3 am, and I am the kind of girl that likes to get 8 to 10 hours of sleep each night. I hope I have babies that quickly adapt to that schedule! :) Fat chance, I know. Anyway, I wanted to sleep in, and every time I woke up, I could tell my body was in a lot of pain. So, back to sleep. Patrick would come downstairs to let me know what time it was, accompanied by a tone of voice that indicated his complete irritation that I was still in bed.

It's ten-thirty, Alison!
It's eleven!!!
It's noon!!! You plan on staying in bed all day?!?!?!?!!!!!

So, a little after noon, I finally braved the floor. And it hurt. I hobbled over to my slippers, then hobbled up the stairs like a 90 year old woman. I made some tea then promptly sat my hiney down on the couch where I intended to stay for awhile.

Patrick was very very irritated as he mentioned half the day had been wasted. I think it's something in my blood...we're sleepers in my family. My mom isn't, but one of her sisters is, my dad can be, my oldest brother is, and my sister is. Good hell, we love our sleep! So to me, it's not wasted time. It's the equivalent of sitting in front of the computer for a few hours surfing the web or catching up on my Google Reader.

I intended to move six or so bags of leaves from the back yard to the front yard by the street where the city will pick them up next week, but there was no way I was going to be able to lift those heavy bags and walk each one of them to the front yard. So, I sat on the porch while Patrick mowed the yard.

Still irritated, he gave me a frustrated look as he went back inside, saying nothing to me. I could tell he was not happy with me.

He needed to package up and ship a Model A frame piece that was at the shop where he works, and he wanted my help, so I hobbled back downstairs and put on some jeans and a t-shirt and shoes. My feet weren't happy about the shoes.

We went to the shop where I pretty much just watched him package the long piece of metal. Turned out he didn't really need any help. Then we went to Kinkos/FedEx and had it shipped. Then we went to Circuit City and got a couple things we needed. The whole trip didn't feel very good physically, and emotionally, I felt like Patrick was just upset with me.

We went home and hung out for a bit, then decided to rent a movie. We watched the movie, ate candy, and drank some yummy root beer.

Finally, at the end of the day, I mustered up the courage to ask him what was going on...why he was so upset with me. It was enough to feel like I had been beaten up, feeling like he was mad at me for it made it even worse.

Turns out (and I hope he doesn't get upset with me sharing this) he's not really mad at me. He's scared, worried, doesn't know what to expect or how to cope. His way of dealing with those emotions is to shut down. And, he's the kind of guy who has the attitude that if you don't feel good, you still need to get up and get on with your day...don't let "it" beat you...take control and tell yourself you're fine. I get that...to a point. I also know that if I want to cry when I stand up, it might be better to take it easy. Taking 800mg of Ibuprofen only does so much.

I'm scared, too. I don't like that I'm not even 30 years old and I'm having to deal with an autoimmune disease that isn't going to go away. I hate that we don't have health insurance, so I'm not able to properly address what's going on. I haven't been officially diagnosed, and I know there are some amazing medications that will help a lot. I also know that early detection and treatment is going to make a huge difference in the long run. I see how arthritis has affected my aunt, and I'm really not thrilled about the pain and fatigue and extra care that I'm going to need for the rest of my life.

I like to play softball and racquetball. I love camping and hiking. I want to hike the Grand Canyon many more times with my dad while he's still around. I want to travel. I want to be able to open jars for my kids. I want to be able to pick up my babies and play catch with my kids. All of this stuff will probably be a little bit of a challenge.

Yeah...I'm scared too.

So, not only do I need to take care of the physical "stuff" and my own emotional "stuff," but I also need to have the stamina and faith to help Patrick deal with his emotional "stuff." That's a tall order at this point.

I just figured I'd share this side of the experience, too. I really believe that all things are tied together: physical, emotional, spiritual. They all need care so the whole system, be it a person's body, a relationship, life, etc. will function properly.

Ah, beginnings are so rough. I look forward to things leveling out a bit.

So how's your day going?

So I want to keep track of how my days go. I'm sure somewhere down the line a doctor will ask me something like, "In a week, how many days do you feel like utter and complete crap?"...or something like that. So, if I keep track here, I might actually be able to give a complete answer. I'll rate days as "good," "medium," or "rotten/horrible/hellish/please pass the morphine" as well as giving it a rating, 1 to 10, 10 being along the lines of "rotten/horrible/hellish/please pass the morphine."


Random side note: This reminds me of any time a woman goes to the doctor and they ask, "When was the first day of your last period?" Does anyone remember??? I never do. At the Halloween doctor visit, I just looked at Patrick and said, "Do you remember?" Of course he would remember...the first day of my last period was the first day of a 5 day dry spell of lovin' for the poor man.


So, here's my record thus far:
(starting with Friday 11/14, because I can't remember before that)

Friday 11/14: A rotten "shoot me" kind of day. I worked a double and it was hell. I cried when I got to work, I cried during the lunch shift, I cried in front of my boss at the end of my lunch shift. The good part about crying is that I got a break between two shifts that ended up squished back-to-back. I give that day an 8.5 out of 10.

Saturday 11/15: A good day. I worked 12 hours and did just fine. A 3 out of 10.

Sunday 11/16: A bad day. I think I had a nightmare turned into reality where a truck ran me over. 9 out of 10.

Yesterday 11/17: A medium day. I got around just fine, but the aches were at a 6 out of 10.

Today 11/18: A good day. Some normal aches in my fingers, especially my right hand's pointer finger. My elbows, knees, and right ankle were a bit tender as well. I count it as a good day, though, because I never felt like I couldn't or really didn't want to take the stairs. A 4 out of 10.

Purpose

This blog is my little journal about my health. I decided to start it, because I'm dealing with something new and life altering. Not only am I dealing with physical challenges, but also emotional challenges that tag along like a younger sibling.

I think it is valuable to journal things, and maybe someone who is going through something similar might be able to relate or feel a little better from something I have to say.

The "start" of this new chapter

On October 27th, toward the end of the day, I started to feel really tired and a bit achy...the kind of achy that I typically associate with the flu.

I woke up Tuesday morning (the 28th) feeling a little worse. By the middle of the day, I was feeling feverish and the body aches had kicked it up a few notches. I was pretty sure I was entering into the ever-so-pleasant land of the official flu. This ticked me off, because I haven't had the flu for years! I'm the snobby girl who turns up her nose at the suggestion of getting a flu shot--Who, me? Ha! I laugh at the flu! So entertaining the flu virus was a bit disturbing.

Tuesday night I was burning up and went to bed early. I shed the fever while sleeping, and when Patrick came to bed I was completely soaked with sweat, as well as the sheets and my pillow. Yuck.

Wednesday was even worse. I fought the fever all day long. Patrick stayed home from work to help take care of me, and he was so kind as to find our thermometer. My temperature hit 102.4. It was a miserable day, and I saturated the bed with gallons of sweat that night too. I did sleep well, though, which was a nice change.

Thursday I woke up really sore. My joints were not happy AT ALL. I decided to stay home from work another day. My temperature hit 102.4 again. I had another sweaty night's sleep.

Friday I decided to try working. Pretty much, I showed up to work, set up the bar at the restaurant, took two tables with one person each in the bar area, and stocked the bar for the dinner shift. That's it. I gave all of my tables in the dining area away. I was afraid I was contagious with the flu, so I didn't want to be around any customers. By break time I was feeling so horrible that my boss sent me home.

I didn't have a temperature at all Friday (I checked obsessively!), but my body still felt like I had been jumped by five angry men (or run over by a truck, if that's a more pleasant visual). I convinced Patrick that I needed to go to the doctor. I had a headache from hell, was utterly exhausted, could hear my pulse in my ear super super loud, and moving was very painful.

We went to InstaCare and they did some tests. What a fun way to spend Halloween! I informed the nurse that she was Dracula for Halloween. Stupid joke, I know, but she did take my blood!! My CBC was normal...no infection in my body. They informed me that I did not have the flu...and why on earth did I wait to come in until after three days of a high temperature???!?!?! I'm stubborn, okay? They sent some blood to the lab for testing that would take 24 hours. The doctor wanted to see if I had rheumatic fever or if I have rheumatoid arthritis.

I took the next night off of work and got the phonecall from InstaCare...the lab results suggest that something along the lines of rheumatoid arthritis is going on. The lady suggested that I go to my regular doctor and have further testing done to find out for sure if I have rheumatoid arthritis.

Well, we don't have health insurance, so it is now November 17th, and I haven't gone to the doctor. I have good days and bad days, and I just do my best to keep moving around with a smile on my face.

So, STEP 1 was finding out that there is a problem. STEP 2 is getting health insurance so I can confirm what is going on and start kicking it in the butt!


**I'm going to type RA from now on instead of rheumatoid arthritis. C'mon...do you think it's good for my fingers to type that many letters over and over and over?!?! :)